I feel the need

Sometimes something makes you think alot, and you just feel the need to respond, and I'm not quite sure where this will go and if it should be here, but msn conversation boxes are too small to write this all there. I feel a little bit bad I guess. Because of what I was allowed to read, to look into someone else's thoughts can be very revealing and also made me think alot about myself and why I did some things/what I really thought.

I knew I wanted him, somewhere inside me, but I also was scared of the uncertainty of that where as I had someone, and they were already mine, I also happened to love them so it was very difficult to work out quite what I wanted. To start with I just realised I had feelings for him but it wasn't until I started thinking that I wasn't happy with what I already had that something happened. The fact it felt so right meant my heart took over rather than my head and things didn't happen in the way I would have chosen them to, had I been able to step out and think properly about it all and decide, knowing what I know now. I was also so entangled in my own confusing thoughts that I didn't give much thought to how he may have been feeling. Though if you ask Sophie, you'd find out that I do think a bit, its just I can be a rather confused person, and I tend to change my mind sooo much about everything just because I doubt easily, because I'm scared about something or other.

Once it was over with the over, at first, because I was scared of it being over, and because I thought I would miss the good times, and having some one who cared about me like that, and I loved him still, so I didn't want to give up on that I guess, and for a very short time I thought the ex was who I wanted more, hence any confusion that may have been caused. I didn't know what I wanted either. When you're in a close place with someone, even if it isn't right and you really want someone else, it can be scary to leave that place and sometimes that means you think you don't want to. But the necessary blow from the ex made me come to my senses and allowed me to move on, something that I actually wanted to do, just didn't know, and was scared to do/thought I wouldn't be able to. Maybe I did need more time at some points, definately at others, but I guess it was good to know that it was what he still wanted. I guess it helped in the long run. Now I know what I want, although memories always sometimes cause doubt but I know really that this is right, and this is better for me. This is what was supposed to happen, just maybe not the way it did.