Some things I just don't get

Why getting and being drunk is so exciting and something to be really proud of. This isn't a moan as such at people who do have that view, as of course everyone is welcome to do what they want and many people, including close friends do. But it isn't something I have a great urge to do, I just don't understand it. Why would I want to make myself out of control of what I am doing and then not be able to remember what I did. I can understand that drinking a little bit, making yourself just a little more outgoing, happier perhaps could be enjoyable and I have done that. However if you're drinking a lot with the purpose of changing your personality in that way, then clearly you're not happy with how you are normally. Would it not be better to try, however difficult it may be, to change your sober self rather than use something to artificially and temporarily to change yourself.

This lack of understanding can cause problems however when the majority of my friends seem to be ones who enjoy drinking, and they also seem only to have fun, and think mainly only of drinking. Parties can be fun, if people get to a certain drunkenness and the emphasis is on socialising and having a laugh rather than getting totally out of it, and in generally the boy's case's doing something incredibly stupid or dangerous or just plain mean to somebody else even if they do actually sincerely like the other person. That's another thing I don't get, why boys think it's fun to be horrible to their friends, but I'm a girl so I guess I'm not supposed to.

I thought I'd found a group of friends however that I finally had lots in common with, and yes I have some things, and yes I like many of them a lot, but I still feel apart from them. That is also not just because of the varying interests but because in part, of my shy and quietness, some of them still intimidate me with their loudness, although others I do now feel comfortable around enough to talk but I do still get referred to as the 'quiet' one which annoys me, along with the jokes/digs about it. It's not as if I do it on purpose, or that I want to be shy. It's something I can't help, something I'd rather change a little. Just so that I have the confidence to talk more and people actually notice me and know me for something other than just the fact I'm quiet.

Anyhow, I should stop this kind of rant, if anyone who is my friend and thinks any of this applies to them read this, don't take it the wrong way, I do, as I said, like you all, just don't understand some things.

Wizard Rock, well rocks.

For anyone not familiar with Wizard Rock, why ever not? Er... I mean it is rock that is to say music about Harry Potter, all sorts of bands exists with different styles of music ranging from The Whomping Willows to The Remus Lupins and Draco and the Malfoys. Apart from the great names they also make great music. O.k so I'll admit not all of them are the worlds best singers, but it's energetic, it's imaginative, it's fun. Some may laugh, some may just not get it, but some may love it. The most well known and I believe one of, if not, the first band to come about is Harry and The Potters. Now most of these bands are from America, as are these, but they were visiting for a U.K tour so naturally I had to go and see them. It was in a small youth centre, and arriving with my dad who later left me to it alone (none of my friends are really into HP enough to agree to come along - shame on them) and I was a bit unsure what to expect and didn't think there'd be many people there. I was wrong, o.k so there wasn't what you'd call loads, but there were more than I thought there might be and they were all rather more into it than I'd expected which was great. I admit I hadn't listened to a lot of these guys stuff, I'd heard some of their stuff, but mostly listened to other Wizard bands. So I could only sing along to a few of their songs but I had a great time. Spoke to a few people, one I'd seen before and the live PotterCast in London and lots had HP related items and wands (which I was jealous of - note to self - buy a wand) and some were even in costumes which I thought was rather cool. I bought a t-shirt, which is pretty cool too and a CD, couldn't resist I'm afraid lol. The gig itself I thought was pretty awesome, they were rather into it, and overly energetic, jumping around and such, I even jumped around for a while as did practically everyone, I also danced for most of the time, not worrying too much what people thought of me, all in all, it was a great atmosphere, which I think is a lot of what makes a good gig great. :)

Links -

www.myspace.com/harryandthepotters
www.myspace.com/theremuslupins
www.myspace.com/thewhompingwillows
www.myspace.com/dracoandthemalfoys

Other Wizard Rock bands can be found via the friend lists of those bands

http://www.pottercast.com/

Why do we always do this to ourselves?

Worry about something for weeks and weeks, try to convince ourselves it will be fine, know you're right but worry still the same? That's what I've been doing, about AS Level exams, English Language and Media Studies, the later of which having been completed this morning. Neither exam being particularly as bad as one would expect according to the amount I worried myself about them beforehand. I was ill (yep, again) before my first exam and although I was feeling better by the time the exam came I was still rather tired and my revision had suffered somewhat, therefore I don't feel particularly confident that I did well but I remain hopeful for somewhere near a decent grade, once the coursework which I enjoyed much more (I wrote one live gig review of two of my fave artist/band - a certain gorgeous Paolo Nutini and The Stereophonics, and I also wrote an article against animal cruelty, a subject I am rather passionate about) has been taken into account. The media exam today I felt went rather better but I shall not say too much (though I wrote rather a lot in the exam, only just managing to write everything down in time in both of them, mainly because I remember lots and try and include it all in some way, though that does not necessarily mean what I have included will get me a good grade) as not to jinx it in anyway. When I feel I've done well and are optimistic I tend to find I actually haven't done as well as I had though and am disappointed so I have decided to think pessimistically or realistically so as not to build my hopes up but having said that I'm sure hopeful thoughts will enter my mind, maybe ones that are slightly realistic but more likely ones that are me being overly-confident when I shouldn't be. I think sometimes I think I'll do fine, I always seem to, and then I don't and it thankfully brings me back to reality, that just because I've always been told I was clever, always got reasonably good grades doesn't mean I will, o.k so I haven't failed my exams, I got a D and a C in my first modules (I have just re-sit them both, having been told to do so my my teachers as they believe perhaps foolishly, perhaps correctly that I can do better) and many people would consider them great grades, but I have always had rather high expectations of myself which can be help but also sometimes a hindrance. Hopefully I shall be pleased with my results when I get think in August (I think) though I have to say I'm rather more nervous about my bf's results than my own as I want him to do well sooooo much and he is always so pessimistic about his abilities.

Anyhow, now the exams are over, I can stop worrying about them (until the next ones in January prob anyhow lol *rollseyes*) and enjoy rather few things. Firstly, I plan on doing a little re-invention of myself, ironing out a few shall we say unsatisfactory aspects of myself, not appearance wise but I plan to change my appearance a little anyway just to aid the re-inventing and emergence of the 'new me' by having my hair cut and then dyed/bleached although to what extent I'm as of yet undecided. I am also at the beginning of re-decorating, I have three colours I want to put in the room, o.k with accessories four but I think the way I plan it it should work out o.k, perhaps lol. Other exciting things include Harry Potter summer, o.k so it's not really called that but there are so many things going on, not to mention the last book :'-( being released. I am also working on a few stories, not for any real reason, though one project I'm yet to start is for a competition but only involves writing a small part of one. There's also the minor thing of driving, yup my parents have decided to let me loose on the roads, well o.k not quite, but they have taken me out a few times, I think I'm quite good but hopefully will be getting proper lessons soon, hmmm that could prove to be an entirely different story all together :P Anyhow I'm sure there was much more I was going to say but I've rambled on enough for today I think, oh actually, hmmm actually will start a new blog for that me thinks ;)