Why do we always do this to ourselves?

Worry about something for weeks and weeks, try to convince ourselves it will be fine, know you're right but worry still the same? That's what I've been doing, about AS Level exams, English Language and Media Studies, the later of which having been completed this morning. Neither exam being particularly as bad as one would expect according to the amount I worried myself about them beforehand. I was ill (yep, again) before my first exam and although I was feeling better by the time the exam came I was still rather tired and my revision had suffered somewhat, therefore I don't feel particularly confident that I did well but I remain hopeful for somewhere near a decent grade, once the coursework which I enjoyed much more (I wrote one live gig review of two of my fave artist/band - a certain gorgeous Paolo Nutini and The Stereophonics, and I also wrote an article against animal cruelty, a subject I am rather passionate about) has been taken into account. The media exam today I felt went rather better but I shall not say too much (though I wrote rather a lot in the exam, only just managing to write everything down in time in both of them, mainly because I remember lots and try and include it all in some way, though that does not necessarily mean what I have included will get me a good grade) as not to jinx it in anyway. When I feel I've done well and are optimistic I tend to find I actually haven't done as well as I had though and am disappointed so I have decided to think pessimistically or realistically so as not to build my hopes up but having said that I'm sure hopeful thoughts will enter my mind, maybe ones that are slightly realistic but more likely ones that are me being overly-confident when I shouldn't be. I think sometimes I think I'll do fine, I always seem to, and then I don't and it thankfully brings me back to reality, that just because I've always been told I was clever, always got reasonably good grades doesn't mean I will, o.k so I haven't failed my exams, I got a D and a C in my first modules (I have just re-sit them both, having been told to do so my my teachers as they believe perhaps foolishly, perhaps correctly that I can do better) and many people would consider them great grades, but I have always had rather high expectations of myself which can be help but also sometimes a hindrance. Hopefully I shall be pleased with my results when I get think in August (I think) though I have to say I'm rather more nervous about my bf's results than my own as I want him to do well sooooo much and he is always so pessimistic about his abilities.

Anyhow, now the exams are over, I can stop worrying about them (until the next ones in January prob anyhow lol *rollseyes*) and enjoy rather few things. Firstly, I plan on doing a little re-invention of myself, ironing out a few shall we say unsatisfactory aspects of myself, not appearance wise but I plan to change my appearance a little anyway just to aid the re-inventing and emergence of the 'new me' by having my hair cut and then dyed/bleached although to what extent I'm as of yet undecided. I am also at the beginning of re-decorating, I have three colours I want to put in the room, o.k with accessories four but I think the way I plan it it should work out o.k, perhaps lol. Other exciting things include Harry Potter summer, o.k so it's not really called that but there are so many things going on, not to mention the last book :'-( being released. I am also working on a few stories, not for any real reason, though one project I'm yet to start is for a competition but only involves writing a small part of one. There's also the minor thing of driving, yup my parents have decided to let me loose on the roads, well o.k not quite, but they have taken me out a few times, I think I'm quite good but hopefully will be getting proper lessons soon, hmmm that could prove to be an entirely different story all together :P Anyhow I'm sure there was much more I was going to say but I've rambled on enough for today I think, oh actually, hmmm actually will start a new blog for that me thinks ;)