Have a little respect please ladies?

I went out to Harpers nightclub tonight and I'm a little saddened to be honest. I don't understand what goes through some womens heads when they leave for a night out. Do they want to be groped by creepy old and sleazy men? They turn up in nothing, flaunt themselves on podiums at every available oppertunity and act in a way which makes me cringe. Guys too behave awfully. Why is it ok for them to grope women in a club? They'd surely be arrested if they did it on a street during the day. People go to these clubs, destroy their bodies and their dignitys and get what out of it? I'm sure they love it but why is the question I'm asking myself. I just can't begin to understand.

Arrogance

I do think it is rather funny when people are arrogant (or should I say one person) especially when their opinion is conveyed to a friend and not you. I have to say this particular arrogance is not warranted in the slightest so he really does need to get over himself but I guess he may not really think it and it could just be a defensive thing. I guess everyone would want to think the same. But sadly for them, they are so very wrong. I'm sure he's great for someone else but not for me, as I think I can currently do no better than I already am. :D Oh and just as an after thought, I wonder if I'll ever get spoken to again. A hi might be nice but as I now see I am so very different to them, even if they wanted to be, which is unlikely, I don't think we'd ever be friends. Not that all of my current friends are the greatest people, but some are, and that's life, you can't have it all. I have the bestest boyfriend, it would be unfair to have all of the bestest friends as well. :P

That is all.

Is it time to go back yet?

Why is it you never really know how much you will miss something until you are away from it. Last time it was holidays, it was just as bad but time has a habit of making one forget that. It isn't as if University is without it's problem, stress and moments of boredom but here still doesn't compare. I had become kind of complacent about Uni and all of the things there, getting a little bored of the monotony that life at Uni has begun to become. It seems to be a lot about drinking and not a lot else but that is changeable and to be honest I don't care about those things. It is mostly the people, or should I say person that makes being away from Uni seem so dull.

Though, as I said Uni isn't without it's problems too. Mainly to do with a particular person. I know that me keeping something from them is causing them upset but it is so much more complicated than they could ever know without me explaining. It isn't that I don't trust him. I also don't entirely not want them to know but it is so hard for me to admit this weakness. I guess part of me does think they might think worse of me although I know it is unlikely. I would really like for him to understand though because I don't want to be the cause of any of his worries. I would like to be able to tell him or to be living without the thing I am unwilling to share but for the time being neither seems possible. I plan to try and resolve it one way or another but for the moment, I just want cuddles.

Where is it all going . . .

Have you ever sat and wondered that? I haven't not really because when I try and think I have no real clue so unless I'm inventing wonderful make believe future scenarios I try not to think too much about where everything is heading as I have no clue. Currently with no lessons to fill my time, Uni is seeming a little bit pointless, it's still awesome and I wouldn't be away from it but there is no reason to be here, no work to be done and it's just waiting. An endless cycle of drinking, being lazy and waiting for something to happen. I love it still but with nothing useful to do and nothing to work for it can leave me feeling quite lost. This also appears to be creeping over to other area's of my life. Boredom leads to a search for amusement and fun which in turn often leads to alot of alcohol being consumed. This is both fun and quite bad for various reasons. Firstly it hurts when I fall over and I have many bruises, secondly I am quite sure I have aquired a slightly negative reputation for always being drunk (just cos I'm a lightweight) and thirdly I often do pointless, silly things that lead to very little enjoyment and awful lot more regret. But still it happens, still the alcohol is drunk, just to cover the boredom and mask the insecurities. I do think perhaps I should stop for a bit, make my head a bit clearer as there are things I feel I need to give some proper thought to when I'm sober and awake. Trouble is I already gave thought to it and I've still no answers. I am the way I am, I don't know if I can change. Part of me wants to but part of me thinks that would be cutting down on alot of oppertunities for fun and living life to the full but I do love him so, maybe I should change my opinion of what's fun and what's important, the last thing I want to do is hurt anyone, but that is all that seems to happen . . .

Aren't I too young to have decisions and be goverened by rules and expectations, where has all the fun gone?

Just because I like to write

I hide away in this lonely place,
sounds echo through from other rooms but they cannot lighten my mood.
My music plays on random,
songs full of memories strike through my soul.
Emotions from the head pass,
emotions from the heart,
felt deeper, down in the soul, last a lifetime.
The light from my eyes has gone out,
an empty hole resides there instead
empty but for the sadness
My heart is heavy,
my tired body struggles to drag it around
time heals wounds, but you can never forget
when life gets to you, there they are again
ready and waiting
to kick you when you'e down.