Now, being 18, I can look back and think about how I've changed. Although my voice may still be quiet (I can't help that, thats who I am) but I have got so much more confident and do speak alot more now. I am just alot more confident and happy in myself anyway. I've realised it doesn't matter that people will try and laugh at me or annoy me or put me down because if I don't care about them I don't care what they think. If I'm having a good time and happy then whatever anyone else thinks generally doesn't mean a thing. It's those who are closest to me whose opinions of me I value.
I've also realised that I so made the right decision to go to a college where few of my school friends were going as I've made some lovely awesome amazing friends and I'm so much happier now.
The party I had was awesome, thanks to my friends and family who are all rather cool. Some people I think tried to spoil it but that backfired on them if that is what they were trying to do because I actually don't care about them anymore as I have moved on and got myself some lovely friends. College is cool. lol
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Friday, November 02, 2007
I'm holding on to the cracks in our foundations
As well as liking the song I thought that line was a rather good one to sum up some stuff at the moment. There's some people I'm beginning not to like as much as I did which is a problem. I kind of long for some new friends or just to spend some time with some different people just for the change. I've been feeling a bit like my life was monotanous and I although in general terms I like normality I often crave something new, new excitement. Everyday at college I've been doing the same things in my breaks, hanging around with the same people. Now these people are nice enough, they've done nothing but been friendly and welcoming and I can't thank them enough for that as I needed them to save me from total boredom and lonliness.
Back then I did have some friends (I'd just gone to college) but I was going off them. I seem to have found myself back in that same situation. Not because I don't like my current friends a such but because I don't feel I have asd much in common with them and don't find the same things funny. Sometimes I do, but I just want to explore other situations or whatever just for some variation. I think perhaps I've always been like this, can be totally happy hanging around with people and then all of a sudden I want something different. It's not really them, I guess my opinions and interests change. Perhaps I will come ot a time where I know what I do like and will have definate fixed interests but at the moment they change often.
Anyway enough of my, for want of a better word, ranting. I recently passed my driving test (failed first time mainly through nerves) but am rather glad I've now passed and don't have to worry about my driving lessons anymore. Ity gives me slightly more freetime which is good considering the amount of work I have at the moment. But unlike before when I last blogged I am liking my courses again, on the whole but they are alot of work and effort. I also have a lot of deadlines and UCAS stuff coming up - oh joy!
Halloween was fun, though I didn't actually take my black rose partly because I forgot and because I was collecting money for charity in a town so it wasn't entirely practical. I did have my corpse bride costume on though which provided much amusement. I wore a scaled down version of what I could have worn (more customisation of clothes I had) just because of what I was doing but if I decide to use this costume for film conventions I might wear a proper dress instead. I do absolutely love my black veil and eye make-up though, which perhaps is a bit worrying lol. I'm quite tempted to turn goth just so I can have my eyes like I did lol.
I don't really know what else to say, I'm sure there's stuff I was going to say, oh yeah fireworks tomorow should be fun, then got my birthday coming up. Yay partyyyy lol.
Back then I did have some friends (I'd just gone to college) but I was going off them. I seem to have found myself back in that same situation. Not because I don't like my current friends a such but because I don't feel I have asd much in common with them and don't find the same things funny. Sometimes I do, but I just want to explore other situations or whatever just for some variation. I think perhaps I've always been like this, can be totally happy hanging around with people and then all of a sudden I want something different. It's not really them, I guess my opinions and interests change. Perhaps I will come ot a time where I know what I do like and will have definate fixed interests but at the moment they change often.
Anyway enough of my, for want of a better word, ranting. I recently passed my driving test (failed first time mainly through nerves) but am rather glad I've now passed and don't have to worry about my driving lessons anymore. Ity gives me slightly more freetime which is good considering the amount of work I have at the moment. But unlike before when I last blogged I am liking my courses again, on the whole but they are alot of work and effort. I also have a lot of deadlines and UCAS stuff coming up - oh joy!
Halloween was fun, though I didn't actually take my black rose partly because I forgot and because I was collecting money for charity in a town so it wasn't entirely practical. I did have my corpse bride costume on though which provided much amusement. I wore a scaled down version of what I could have worn (more customisation of clothes I had) just because of what I was doing but if I decide to use this costume for film conventions I might wear a proper dress instead. I do absolutely love my black veil and eye make-up though, which perhaps is a bit worrying lol. I'm quite tempted to turn goth just so I can have my eyes like I did lol.
I don't really know what else to say, I'm sure there's stuff I was going to say, oh yeah fireworks tomorow should be fun, then got my birthday coming up. Yay partyyyy lol.
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